Finding Yourself in the Chaos: A Single Mom’s Guide to Reclaiming Time
Balancing the relentless demands of parenthood, work, and life as a single mom often feels like running a marathon without an end in sight. I know this because I’ve been there, muddling through the exhaustion, the guilt, and the heaviness of never feeling like there’s a single moment just for me.
If you feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities, barely able to catch your breath, I want you to know one thing: you’re not alone. More importantly, it is possible to carve out small, meaningful pockets of calm amidst the chaos. This blog is here to gently guide you through putting yourself back on the priority list—not with shame or guilt, but with the grace and patience you deserve.
Why Self-Care as a Single Mom Feels Impossible (and Why It’s Not)
It’s easy to dismiss the idea of self-care when you’re a single mom. Between getting lunches packed, meeting deadlines, and helping with homework, the concept of taking even 10 minutes for yourself feels indulgent, even selfish. Does this sound familiar?
You tell yourself stories like:
“My kids need me more than I need rest.”
“Everything will fall apart if I’m not constantly ‘on.’”
“I’ll make time for myself when things calm down... someday.”
But here’s the truth you need to hear, loud and clear: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your well-being is the foundation your children rely on. When you give yourself moments to recharge, you’re not taking away from them; you’re giving them a healthier, happier version of you.
Rewriting the Narrative Around Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame have a way of creeping in when you even think about prioritizing yourself. But consider this for a moment:
How does it serve your family when you’re running on fumes?
What lessons are you unintentionally teaching your children about boundaries and self-worth if you never show them how to take care of themselves?
By setting an example of self-respect and self-care, you’re empowering your children to one day do the same for themselves. You’re showing them that being strong doesn’t mean being self-sacrificial, but rather knowing when to pause and recharge.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to take up space in your own life, and you certainly don’t need to feel guilty for it.
5 Simple Steps to Reclaiming Time for Yourself
Prioritizing yourself doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or hours at a spa (though if you can, go for it!). Even the smallest acts can have a profound ripple effect. Here’s how to start making yourself a priority without adding more stress to your plate:
1. Start Small, Stay Consistent
Committing to hours of self-care may feel overwhelming, so begin with just five or ten minutes daily. Maybe it’s sipping a cup of coffee in silence before the kids wake up. Maybe it’s journaling for three minutes to unpack your thoughts. Those little pockets matter more than you might think.
Ask yourself, "What would feel like a small win for me today?" and start there.
2. Find Moments in the Everyday
Self-care doesn’t have to disrupt your schedule; sometimes, it’s about shifting your mindset during activities you’re already doing. Transform a chore like folding laundry into a moment of calm by listening to your favorite music or a soothing podcast. Bring mindfulness into your everyday tasks, and you’ll start to notice how you feel lighter, even during the busiest of days.
3. Create Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are not only okay, but necessary. Say no to commitments that don’t truly align with your goals or energy levels. Be clear with your kids that “mom time” is essential. Start with something simple like letting them know, “Mom’s going to take 15 minutes to herself before we play.”
Communicating your needs teaches your children to respect those needs while also modeling healthy behavior.
4. Ask for Help (and Be Open to Receiving It)
You do not have to do everything alone. Whether it’s accepting help from family, reaching out to friends, or hiring assistance when possible, giving yourself breathing room isn’t a weakness. It’s a sign of strength. Remember, asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you are human.
When someone offers to lend a hand, try saying, "Thank you. I’d appreciate that," instead of brushing it off out of habit.
5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Maybe you didn’t get everything on your to-do list done today. Maybe your five minutes of quiet turned into three because of an unexpected meltdown. That’s okay. Progress—not perfection—is the goal. Celebrate the fact that you showed up for yourself, in whatever way you could.
Reflect nightly by asking, "What did I do today that nurtured me?" It’s guaranteed to brighten your perspective, even on tough days.
Building a Life That Centers on You, Too
Taking time for yourself isn’t an overnight shift; it’s a gradual process of putting one small choice in front of another. It starts with allowing yourself simply to want more balance. It grows as you begin to honor those needs, slowly but surely.
Picture this future for a second. You’ve carved out 10 minutes a day just to breathe, just for you. That ten expands to fifteen, maybe even thirty over time. You feel calmer, more grounded, more connected to yourself. And because you’re stronger, so is your ability to support those who rely on you.
What would that mean for you? What would it mean for your children?
A Final Word of Encouragement
Remember this, if nothing else: you are enough, just as you are. Giving yourself even a moment of care and kindness is an act of profound bravery in a world that constantly demands more of women, especially single moms.
If this feels overwhelming, start with one small shift today. Just one. Maybe it’s finishing that cup of tea while it’s still warm. Maybe it’s staying in your pajamas an extra 15 minutes. Start there, and build from it.
And know that you are never alone on this path. There is a whole world of women walking alongside you, finding their way to a life where they are seen and valued—not just by others, but by themselves.
You’ve got this, one breath at a time.
References
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2017). Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition. Zondervan.
Henrich, C. C., & Shahar, G. (2014). Social support buffers against daily psychological and academic risks in adolescent girls. Journal of Adolescence.
Kobliner, B. (2009). Get a Financial Life. Simon & Schuster.
Newport, C. (2016). Deep Work. Grand Central Publishing.
